I haven't written a post in months. To be quite honest, it was because the storms of life paralyzed my heart, joy, and praise so much. I had gotten to such a low place, I wasn't quite sure if I could ever get out; stress and depression had me bound in every way. At the writing of this post, I am still in the season of what may be perceived to be delay, unanswered prayers, a storm, the desert, the barren land, pure dryness, but my heart has captured a different understanding of this season. I won't use this post to talk about the other side, but I will use this post to talk about the the beauty of this side. I call this my beautiful lailap. A lailap describes a strong storm, a whirlwind, a violent attack. Over the past few years I have encountered disappointment after disappointment, attack after attack, but I also encountered knowledge of promise after promise from the mouth of the Father. I remember times when I had prayed, I said "Lord, You are my best friend, my comforter, my shield, my defense, my strong tower, my God". In this beautiful lailap, I have discovered Him in all the above. I started telling the Lord the deepest, most vulnerable feelings of my heart, even those no one wants to utter out loud. In this Lailap, I was brutally and emotionally honest with Him. From this, He became my best friend. In the days and nights that I cried, I felt moments of peace so I could sleep and carry on with day to day life, In this part of my lailap, I got to know Him as comforter. I also must note that in this time, the Lord gave me dreams and visions, some were promises and others were warnings, He showed me how to pray and shielded me from the plots of the enemy, I have experienced the defense and deliverance of my Father in Heaven. During this season, as the battles raged, I learnt to run into Him, my strong tower. And now, being in a state and a place where only He can help and vindicate me, I will get to know Him personally again, in a different kind of way, I will see Him move in situations that can only change for the better by His Mighty Hand.
Two nights ago I made the deliberate decision that for seven days, I will only Praise, not ask for a thing, just praise. I will not follow the brokenness I feel, I will choose to praise Him despite the circumstances. Friends to be honest, I had to challenge myself to do this because of the depth of the pit I am in. I wish I could say I didn't waver, I wish could say I never lost heart, I wish I could say I didn't want to give up, but the truth is, I experienced all of these things. During my time with the Father, I was led to this from the story of the king of Judah, King Jehoshaphat. In short, he was threatened by the armies of Moab, Ammon and Mount Seir and he was afraid, similar to how I felt in my situation. Scripture said he went to the feet of the Father and called a fast. After this, when he petitioned the Father what to do, the word that came was to go up against the armies and that they will get the victory and not have to fight. Sounds crazy huh? That's how I know its from God, it sounds crazy. The strategy the king used was one that caught my eyes again (as it was not the first time I read this portion of scripture). He put worshippers in the front of the army and they praised and worshipped the Lord who gave them a WORD of victory. They praised HIM before SEEING the word come to pass. Needless to say, the word of the Lord, as crazy as it sounded, came to pass. I just wanted to pause to encourage someone who is on a journey, just like me, still waiting, still tarrying, still holding on to God and waiting for Him to bring to pass the thing He has spoken. I would have lost heart unless I believed, I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27).